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Forgiveness. A personal take.
Butfirst: European council president Tusk said: “Let me make one personal remark to the members of this parliament. Before the European council, I said that we should be open to a long extension if the UK wishes to rethink its Brexit strategy, which would of course mean the UK’s participation in the European parliament elections. And then there were voices saying that this would be harmful or inconvenient to some of you.
Let me be clear: such thinking is unacceptable. You cannot betray the 6 million people who signed the petition to revoke article 50, the 1 million people who marched for a people’s vote, or the increasing majority of people who want to remain in the European Union.”
Thank you, Donald Tusk. It's nice to be recognised as sincere and European, particularly since our own politicians won't even acknowledge our existence. Bastards.
Lately, I found myself wondering whether the man who murdered my mother is still alive. My parents are both dead, but he might easily still be out in the world doing whatever murderers do to reconcile themselves to their acts.
I wondered if I'd forgive him. No, I wouldn't, and I don't. Not that he has ever asked for the forgiveness of the children whose mother he stole, or the man whose wife he raped and strangled. I doubt he has ever given his victim's children a moment's thought. But even if he did, I don't have any forgiveness in me for that. I know there is an argument that forgiveness is more for the person doing the forgiving than for the forgivee, but I don't see it. I don't care that he was caught and went to prison. Society would, presumably, say he paid his debt, but I don't see it. We paid for what he did, for years and years. My children and my sister's children have never known their grandmother. Some people might say, let it go. To which I would say, let it go that he murdered my mother? How?
It's not that I hold a festering lump of resentment inside me. Most of the time I don't think about him, and I don't think about my mother, either, because she's been gone for fifty years. This is a fairly academic ponder, not a scream. Forgiveness, though. Is it useful? Is it even something to consider, when the wrongdoer has never shown me evidence of remorse? On the whole, I don't think so.
Let me be clear: such thinking is unacceptable. You cannot betray the 6 million people who signed the petition to revoke article 50, the 1 million people who marched for a people’s vote, or the increasing majority of people who want to remain in the European Union.”
Thank you, Donald Tusk. It's nice to be recognised as sincere and European, particularly since our own politicians won't even acknowledge our existence. Bastards.
Lately, I found myself wondering whether the man who murdered my mother is still alive. My parents are both dead, but he might easily still be out in the world doing whatever murderers do to reconcile themselves to their acts.
I wondered if I'd forgive him. No, I wouldn't, and I don't. Not that he has ever asked for the forgiveness of the children whose mother he stole, or the man whose wife he raped and strangled. I doubt he has ever given his victim's children a moment's thought. But even if he did, I don't have any forgiveness in me for that. I know there is an argument that forgiveness is more for the person doing the forgiving than for the forgivee, but I don't see it. I don't care that he was caught and went to prison. Society would, presumably, say he paid his debt, but I don't see it. We paid for what he did, for years and years. My children and my sister's children have never known their grandmother. Some people might say, let it go. To which I would say, let it go that he murdered my mother? How?
It's not that I hold a festering lump of resentment inside me. Most of the time I don't think about him, and I don't think about my mother, either, because she's been gone for fifty years. This is a fairly academic ponder, not a scream. Forgiveness, though. Is it useful? Is it even something to consider, when the wrongdoer has never shown me evidence of remorse? On the whole, I don't think so.
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You owe him nothing, and less than nothing. In this somewhat tricky season of the year, my warm thoughts and condolences.
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For whatever it's worth, here's how I feel: forgiveness is overrated. You always hear people talking about how they forgave those who wronged them as, like, an act of self care, almost. They'll say they did it for themselves, not for the wrongdoer, because hatred's such a terrible burden to have to carry around. But I don't think hatred has to be a burden at all. It can be a downright joy, if you do it properly.
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I would say that you owe him nothing at all - if forgiving him was useful *to you* then, that would be a different thing, but if it isn't...
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I don't feel burdened by hatred, certainly. I don't even think I feel it (or, hah, not for that particular offender). I think if you're all tangled up and unable to let go of something, making the determined effort to forgive may be helpful, but I don't think that's where I am. :-)
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Thank you.