Britishisms aren't anything big, other than the occasional extra "u" in various words we don't use them in, but of course it's the same word, so that doesn't change the story any, just the reader's perception of it if they're anal about that sort of thing.
Um, Justin's dialogue: Oh—we are assuming this great passion is unrequited, are we?" THAT was British. But if you change the end to "aren't we?" or just "unrequited, right?" it conveys the same message in conventional American English.
Lance: He rather thought JC did the same. Again, just British turn-of-phrase. Americans never "rather thought" anything. [Lance] was pretty sure JC did the same. (or "was fairly certain", not as conventional a "speech pattern", but I think fandom could see Lance thinking in "formal" terms pretty easily, if you want to strive for that over colloquialisms.)
two of them sat pecking at the remains of Americans don't peck, and do not ewxperience "feeling peckish", but we DO "pick" at food. Saying they're picking at the lunch's remains while they talk fits American logic perfectly. *g*
JC eyed him dolefully. He was putting it on, Lance could tell, there was a wicked little twinkle in those big blue eyes that belied the expression of woe. Ow, this one's harder... ..it works, but we don't use "putting it on", I'm trying to think of HOW the USA would say it... JC eyed him dolefully. He was trying to fool Lance, but there was a wicked little twinkle in those big blue eyes that proved his woeful expression to be a lie. (This one would take some discussion & explanation, comment me back if you want to open that can tin of worms. You =SO= don't have that expression in Jolly Old England, do you? lol
..You haven't a romantic bone in your body." "I have so!" *headdesks briefly* We don't use "have" in that sense, either, not in casual conversation with close friends who are more brothers. Again, the vagueries of "formal" American English. JC could phrase it that way, but he most likely wouldn't. I don't know the DC/Maryland dialect to say for certain how he would re-phrase, but a "got" after "haven't" is easiest. It's ugly, but yes, many Americans speak ugly English. Ask and I'll parse more options, lol. Lance is MUCH more likely to respond with "I do too!" or MAYBE "so" instead of "too", but at that point we're nit-picking semantics in the name of dialects, which are a MESS in the USA.
..clear his diary for a long weekend. *snicker* No. Diaries are what little girls lock up to keep their kid brothers from reading. Lance would clear his "calendar" (maybe) or "day-planner" (in terms of Lance's character, heck yes. If you could re-write it so it's Lance's PDA or whatever the latest electronic office gizmo is, that's even more in character, heh.)
*grins* That's it, the rest is FLAWLESS. Beautiful, PERFECT characterizations! Heeee.
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Um, Justin's dialogue:
Oh—we are assuming this great passion is unrequited, are we?"
THAT was British. But if you change the end to "aren't we?" or just "unrequited, right?" it conveys the same message in conventional American English.
Lance:
He rather thought JC did the same.
Again, just British turn-of-phrase. Americans never "rather thought" anything. [Lance] was pretty sure JC did the same. (or "was fairly certain", not as conventional a "speech pattern", but I think fandom could see Lance thinking in "formal" terms pretty easily, if you want to strive for that over colloquialisms.)
two of them sat pecking at the remains of
Americans don't peck, and do not ewxperience "feeling peckish", but we DO "pick" at food. Saying they're picking at the lunch's remains while they talk fits American logic perfectly. *g*
JC eyed him dolefully. He was putting it on, Lance could tell, there was a wicked little twinkle in those big blue eyes that belied the expression of woe.
Ow, this one's harder... ..it works, but we don't use "putting it on", I'm trying to think of HOW the USA would say it...
JC eyed him dolefully. He was trying to fool Lance, but there was a wicked little twinkle in those big blue eyes that proved his woeful expression to be a lie. (This one would take some discussion & explanation, comment me back if you want to open that
cantin of worms. You =SO= don't have that expression in Jolly Old England, do you? lol..You haven't a romantic bone in your body." "I have so!"
*headdesks briefly* We don't use "have" in that sense, either, not in casual conversation with close friends who are more brothers. Again, the vagueries of "formal" American English. JC could phrase it that way, but he most likely wouldn't. I don't know the DC/Maryland dialect to say for certain how he would re-phrase, but a "got" after "haven't" is easiest. It's ugly, but yes, many Americans speak ugly English. Ask and I'll parse more options, lol. Lance is MUCH more likely to respond with "I do too!" or MAYBE "so" instead of "too", but at that point we're nit-picking semantics in the name of dialects, which are a MESS in the USA.
..clear his diary for a long weekend.
*snicker* No. Diaries are what little girls lock up to keep their kid brothers from reading. Lance would clear his "calendar" (maybe) or "day-planner" (in terms of Lance's character, heck yes. If you could re-write it so it's Lance's PDA or whatever the latest electronic office gizmo is, that's even more in character, heh.)
*grins* That's it, the rest is FLAWLESS. Beautiful, PERFECT characterizations! Heeee.