Sunshine Challenge #5

[pensnest]

A few songs on the subject of Blue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqwSde_eEv4 The incomparable Ella Fitzgerald singing Blue Moon. The song is Rodgers and Hart, a combination I generally prefer to Rodgers and Hammerstein because Hart's lyrics are more… more pointy. I bought several 'songbooks' by Ella and have spent many, many happy hours singing along. What a Voice. A voice that makes a reasonable argument for the existence of God.

By contrast, Louis Armstrong isn't exactly a singer. But he too has a Voice, and can put a song across as well as many a vocalist with a purer sound. Having a Voice is better than being a singer, in terms of being listenable. He's also a pretty damn good trumpet player. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8GjJD826vc Basin Street Blues.

This one's definitely in the Ella category, being a Singer with a Voice. I missed Cleo Laine's heyday, but I have seen her live on stage, in a brief performance during a Sondheim retrospective at The Stables. She has astounding stage presence. Here, singing Primrose Colour Blue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDQ9jT9Q_sU

Songs that have a more personal relevance, on some level:

I remember this one from the Eurovision Song Contest, which is frankly a bit weird as it was such a long time ago! But it is an enduring and lovely song: L'amour est bleu, sung by Vicky Leandros. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD4ib9-laGY My, how Eurovision has changed.

This one reminds me of my teenage years. I like it more now, I think, than I did then: Venus, by Shocking Blue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LhkyyCvUHk

Blue Mountain by Quantum Jump is from my university years. My college boyfriend owned this album (Barracuda, and I particularly liked the song with two men and a snake, so he gave me a copy for my birthday. It's an excellent album and worth a listen if you have the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQn1mFq_OQk

An up to date reference now: Blue Skies is a song my chorus sings. Not, though, as well as this lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBzVxsQtzxk Ringmasters, sometime quartet champions, although they are babies here. Babies!

And finally, just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Ond-OwgU8

****

Blue. It's somehow a colour I associate with COVID-19. Perhaps it's because the little Symptom Study app which I fill in dutifully every day is a dark blue icon on my phone screen. Perhaps it's because the sky has been regularly bright and rainless for most of the time since March. It's fortunate for the sake of the garden that there has been some rain recently.

But I think it's that coronafeeling. That weird mental numbness that comes from the combination of isolation, uncertainty, threat, change and so forth. That thing that means all those jobs/hobbies/special things that we just needed the time to do… still haven't been done. That thing that lets me sit on the sofa reading AmIThe Asshole on my phone instead of getting to my computer and finishing my story or sorting out my painting box and doing some acrylic work or going into the garden to make a start on achieving what I have in my head.

It felt better, I'd say, when the whole country was in lockdown. Not that everybody was confined to quarters, of course. Some people have had to get out there and work, for the sake of the rest of us. But those of us who were in lockdown were *IN* lockdown. Streets were silent and empty. And there was a sense of solidarity about it. For most of us, there was not much we could do to help, but we could stay at home and we did. And the community feeling of the Thursday Night Clap was really re-moralising. It was oddly comforting to hear the noises from other households as we clapped (or played the clarinet).

Now, there isn't that solidarity. Lots of people are still staying at home, not resuming normality, because we're still at risk (or living with someone at risk) or simply being cautious. And becoming increasingly restless about things that we've had to substitute for our 'real lives' (I'm thinking of my chorus, rehearsals on Zoom are just not the same—it's good to have a sing, and to see those faces, but it's not like singing together, and we're all itching to find some way of making it possible to sing together again, which we can't yet do). Still, we're sticking to our purpose.

But so many seem to have decided that because lockdown is 'easing', our troubles are over and there's no need to take precautions. I sympathise with people who, say, work in shops—and businesses seem by and large to be doing their best to enable social distancing and to look after their staff to whatever extent they can. But now, I no longer trust my fellow citizens to be doing the right thing. I see them walking carelessly in groups and making no effort to step aside the way everyone did a couple of months ago, I hear about them going in crowds to pubs and other social arenas, and I don't trust them. I miss that feeling of solidarity. I'm still scared. I'm still angry. I'm still… blue.

Comments

[yarnofariadne]

I'm feeling the same way about the loss of solidarity. My husband works in a care home so I'm still staying home, because if I pick it up while I'm out and he gets it and it gets into the home, that's a catastrophe. And in the few times I have had to run out to the pharmacy or the grocery store, I've been the only person wearing a mask or trying to keep distance. I'm currently mid-meltdown about the grocery delivery man yesterday getting too close to me. And everyone around me is happily making appointments, throwing parties, making plans, like it's all over now and there's no reason to keep trying to take care of each other as case numbers continue to rise. It's intensely demoralising.

[pensnest]

Yes! And you have to think not just of yourself, but of the people next to you, and then the people next to them - and after not many iterations of that, we all know someone vulnerable. And frankly, the more I know about COVID-19 the more I don't want to get it.

Good for you for keeping safe. And yes. Dammit.

[dine]

man, you *totally* nailed the feeling - this is just spot-on! But I think it's that coronafeeling. That weird mental numbness that comes from the combination of isolation, uncertainty, threat, change and so forth. That thing that means all those jobs/hobbies/special things that we just needed the time to do… still haven't been done. That thing that lets me sit on the sofa reading AmIThe Asshole on my phone instead of getting to my computer and finishing my story or sorting out my painting box and doing some acrylic work or going into the garden to make a start on achieving what I have in my head.

[pensnest]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one...

[isabellerecs]

I don't have anything clever to say, but I wanted to let you know that I appreciated your post and that you put that feeling into words. Thanks.

[pensnest]

It's nice to know we're not the only one feeling that way, isn't it.

💙

[oldtoadwoman]

I'm going to keep this post open in a tab so I can check out the music when I have a little more time, but I wanted to post a basic "Yes! This!" to your other thoughts.

I've had to go back to work and even though we are taking a lot of precautions (masks, plastic sneezeguards between us, disinfecting absolutely everything throughout the day, etc), I'm starting to get paranoid. I've always been prone to hypochondria. Describe a symptom and I'll start to imagine I have it. This morning I woke up convinced I was sick and running a fever and my throat was scratchy. Took my temperature (all while imagining all of the "what if" scenarios if I turned out to be feverish with no health insurance or sick days) and… I'm fine. No fever. And my throat was no longer scratchy once I just drank something. (I mistakenly thought it had cooled off enough last night that I could get away without running the air conditioning overnight, so of course it was perfectly natural that I woke up warm and feeling a little dehydrated.)

There was a brief period at the end of March when I thought I was out of work and I was so relieved. I could file for unemployment and hope that when that ran out that the world would have returned to normal. And then just a day or two later, my boss changed his mind and said he wasn't letting me go after all and I've been mildly sulky about it ever since. The work-from-home thing was so stressful and annoying and now that we've re-opened and I'm physically going back to work, it's even more stressful. I'm feeling so burnt out.

Re: 💙

[pensnest]

The whole situation is *incredibly* stressful, but I should think having to go back to work makes it worse. It's difficult... but at least it feels safe! I'm hoping my kids will be able to continue to work from home, but I don't know yet.

And the hypochondria thing? I get that. I cough in the night and instantly start running through where I've been and whether I was at risk... Gah.

Re: 💙

[oldtoadwoman]

And one of my coworkers today was wearing her mask under her nose (and occasionally just on her chin). Gah!

[autobotscoutriella]

You perfectly summed up a lot of the things I've been feeling about the whole corona situation. My workplace just reopened to the public in a limited fashion this week, and I'm having a lot of Feelings about that; I think the "loss of solidarity" is definitely a huge component of why I've been so overwhelmingly stressed out the last month or so. It's hard.

[pensnest]

I think if we could somehow have kept that feeling of being all in this together, it would be much easier to deal with. It's horrible.

[autobotscoutriella]

The few weeks of solidarity before it all went to hell were lovely. Now it's just...agh. Awful.

[frausorge]

The loss of solidarity, yeah. There was something comforting about the idea of pulling together to overcome this, but that illusion is pretty thoroughly shattered now!

*sad fistbumps of still staying at home*

[pensnest]

I'm grateful that I *can* stay at home, even though I have the blah in my brain. I did write a whole scene of story last night, which is a great relief.

[shipperslist]

I've had this post open on my tab for some time while I was trying to come up with something to say. This is a weird time we live in, especially considering how some people are self-quarantined and for some (like me as a nurse), life went on almost like usual. It's a dichotomy I'm not sure I know how to handle.

[pensnest]

It must look so different from a medical person's perspective! But weird still, as you say. There must have been extra pressures on you. I hope you're coping okay.

[bloodydemonic]

I agree completely - I'm very scared by the fact that people seem to think that lockdown easing means it's all over, and they don't like me pointing out it simply means the NHS has space in ICU for them. I want it to be all over, I want to get back to 'real life' but I don't think we're there yet. Maybe if lockdown had happened quicker and properly, then by now we'd be close but...

[pensnest]

Exactly - it's the people who are all casual about it now that the pubs are open who scare me. Even as I long to get back to normal myself.

[bloodydemonic]

I went to a local pub for a meal today, for a friends birthday. I took hand sanitiser with me and cleaned everything before I touched it, but I was really impressed with the measures they'd put in place

[pensnest]

My impression is that the professionals - the people running the businesses - are doing much better than the customers!

[abyss_valkyrie]

That weird mental numbness that comes from the combination of isolation, uncertainty, threat, change and so forth. becoming increasingly restless about things that we've had to substitute for our 'real lives' My gosh. Your words resonate with me so much! The way we keep wanting to do things 'if we only had time' still not being done...it makes me feel useless in a way that normally wouldn't happen because perhaps I'd be busy otherwise.
I miss that feeling of solidarity. It just makes me feel so disconnected from everyone. And I feel you on the blue.

[pensnest]

I'm pleased (I guess...) to have managed to describe what other people are feeling, too - at least, it's nice to know it isn't just me! Thanks for commenting.

[ephemera]

That weird mental numbness that comes from the combination of isolation, uncertainty, threat, change and so forth. That thing that means all those jobs/hobbies/special things that we just needed the time to do… still haven't been done. that resonates!

(also the uncomfortable lack of trust / common ground because people are remarkably convinced that this is "over" and - I don't think it's anything like.)

[pensnest]

Yeah, it's not over, and the more stupidly They behave, the harder it will be to get it over. Not that it will be 'over' until/unless there is a widely available and effective vaccine, plus better treatments. Both are being worked on, but neither is going to be here for a while. Put your masks on, people!

[silveradept]

Solidarity on the problem of being someone who is still concerned and trying to practice appropriate measures in the face of a lot of pressure to pretend everything is fine now and what's in place now is enough to keep everyone safe. If the initial response had been much harder and things hadn't eased until the whole ting actually was under control, I think everyone's stress levels would be a lot less than what they are now. Especially for those people who are going to be put in the unenviable position of telling others that they need to do something that they will engage in a screaming fit over being told to do.

[pensnest]

I so agree. It would have been helpful to have everyone recognise that there was a problem that needed to be slapped down hard. Being all in it together, even when 'it' was 'put your life on hold', was much easier than the current uncertainty.

Best of luck to you.