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I went to a funeral on Friday. A friend, younger than I, dead from cancer of the colon.
But you know, it was the best funeral I've attended in a very long time, possibly ever. It was a humanist ceremony, and it focused very clearly on the person it was about. Talked about her life, what she'd done, how she'd affected the people who knew her. Much more clearly than any of the all-too-many religious (specifically, Christian, but of different denominations) funerals I've been to in the last few years.
I've sat in too many churches, being told that the deceased is in heaven, in God's care, etc, and angrily but silently disbelieving it. I find that in Christian funerals, whether C of E, Catholic or Methodist, the service is mostly generic, by which I mean, it's the same service, whoever died. And perhaps that's comforting to those who believe, because it confirms the fellowship, or the fact that we're all going the same way... To me, it's not comforting. To me it's just formulaic.
I don't want to hear about the death (or, heck, the life) of someone other than the person I'm there for, and how that was way more meaningful. I don't want to hear all that stuff about the afterlife, because I don't believe it. Dead is dead, no survival of the 'soul', no reuniting with those who've died before. That's it. But once I'm inside a church, the assumption of the whole service is that I believe everything. It angers me. I don't. I'm there for a formal farewell to the person who died.
The humanist service made space for people's religious belief, if they had it - there were a few minutes during the service specifically for individuals to hold their own thoughts of the deceased, to pray if they wished to. In a religious ceremony there is no room allocated for my beliefs, no acknowledgment that there are any alternatives.
It seems to be a trend nowadays that people don't dress in sub-fusc for funerals, at least, not always. We wore bright things on Friday, and at my father's funeral, and at my grandma's. I like it.
But you know, it was the best funeral I've attended in a very long time, possibly ever. It was a humanist ceremony, and it focused very clearly on the person it was about. Talked about her life, what she'd done, how she'd affected the people who knew her. Much more clearly than any of the all-too-many religious (specifically, Christian, but of different denominations) funerals I've been to in the last few years.
I've sat in too many churches, being told that the deceased is in heaven, in God's care, etc, and angrily but silently disbelieving it. I find that in Christian funerals, whether C of E, Catholic or Methodist, the service is mostly generic, by which I mean, it's the same service, whoever died. And perhaps that's comforting to those who believe, because it confirms the fellowship, or the fact that we're all going the same way... To me, it's not comforting. To me it's just formulaic.
I don't want to hear about the death (or, heck, the life) of someone other than the person I'm there for, and how that was way more meaningful. I don't want to hear all that stuff about the afterlife, because I don't believe it. Dead is dead, no survival of the 'soul', no reuniting with those who've died before. That's it. But once I'm inside a church, the assumption of the whole service is that I believe everything. It angers me. I don't. I'm there for a formal farewell to the person who died.
The humanist service made space for people's religious belief, if they had it - there were a few minutes during the service specifically for individuals to hold their own thoughts of the deceased, to pray if they wished to. In a religious ceremony there is no room allocated for my beliefs, no acknowledgment that there are any alternatives.
It seems to be a trend nowadays that people don't dress in sub-fusc for funerals, at least, not always. We wore bright things on Friday, and at my father's funeral, and at my grandma's. I like it.
no subject
In Finland a funeral would usually mean a short ceremony in a church/chapel, burial, and dinner/similar. The ceremony usually says very little about the person since the priest probably didn't know them. (Though the hymns could be chosen by the family for example.) But, since it's a separate event, you don't have to go! Most people do though. But then the dinner/whatever event afterwards is organized by the family (or friends), and has speeches/pictures/general talk about that person.
That being said, I do sometimes find funerals (and weddings) weirdly repetitive and impersonal. If people tried a little, I'm sure there are ways to make them more interesting without breaking too many traditions (if those are important to you).
no subject
I'm in favour of a bit of restraint in the matter of personally-made rituals (I'd have been horrified if my groom had wittered on for pages and ended up weeping, Joey Fatone style!) but it is nice to have them *personal*.