pensnest | 💙 (Reply)

From:

I'm going to keep this post open in a tab so I can check out the music when I have a little more time, but I wanted to post a basic "Yes! This!" to your other thoughts.

I've had to go back to work and even though we are taking a lot of precautions (masks, plastic sneezeguards between us, disinfecting absolutely everything throughout the day, etc), I'm starting to get paranoid. I've always been prone to hypochondria. Describe a symptom and I'll start to imagine I have it. This morning I woke up convinced I was sick and running a fever and my throat was scratchy. Took my temperature (all while imagining all of the "what if" scenarios if I turned out to be feverish with no health insurance or sick days) and… I'm fine. No fever. And my throat was no longer scratchy once I just drank something. (I mistakenly thought it had cooled off enough last night that I could get away without running the air conditioning overnight, so of course it was perfectly natural that I woke up warm and feeling a little dehydrated.)

There was a brief period at the end of March when I thought I was out of work and I was so relieved. I could file for unemployment and hope that when that ran out that the world would have returned to normal. And then just a day or two later, my boss changed his mind and said he wasn't letting me go after all and I've been mildly sulky about it ever since. The work-from-home thing was so stressful and annoying and now that we've re-opened and I'm physically going back to work, it's even more stressful. I'm feeling so burnt out.