December Meme: craziest thing in one of my theatre productions

topaz119 asked: What is the craziest thing that has happened during one of your theater productions?

Well, now. I think that would be the time when the director (female) had to go on as the leading man.

It wasn't, oddly, an unique event. Two or three years ago there was a lot of snow in December (very unusual for these parts), and we had pantos in performance for the first two weekends. One of the Dames (it was Cinderella, so there were two) was stuck outside town and just could not get there for the matinée, so the director went on for him, with script. The show must go on, you see. And although it's a shame to have a woman playing a woman in a panto, it's not so bad, particularly when the other Ugly Sister is a proper Dame. Mind you, costuming at the last minute must have been a challenge, as the absent Ugly Sister was at least 6'2"and broad, and the director rather a petite 5'4". Good thing we have an overstocked wardrobe.

I was not involved with that particular show. I was, however, involved with The Pirates of Penzance, because I directed it. We ran that show as a supper show over consecutive long weekends, and it was on the afternoon of the second Thursday that I received a call that filled me with horror. Our leading man ('Frederic') had sliced his hand open and was about to be taken off to hospital, where he hoped they'd mend it so that he could no longer see the bone.

I phoned our Business Manager. I phoned our MD. I phoned anyone I could think of who might be able to play Frederic at short notice or might be able to tell me of someone else… No luck. I did find a tenor who'd played the role before, but he advised me that I would be better off with a member of the company who at least had an idea of the blocking, and would be more up to date on the music.

So I did it myself.

It's one of those things that performers have nightmares about, going on stage having never rehearsed a part. Okay, it wasn't quite like that, since I had after all gone over every scene and every number many, many times. I knew all the songs—it's really easy to remember words when they are set to music—but I had never done it myself, and there was quite a lot of movement.

Fortunately, our MD was a brilliant tenor. I could probably have sung it if I'd had to, but mercifully I didn't have to, I just mimed. And there is precious little dialogue in Pirates. I wrote the lines out on a sheet of A4, stuck it up my sleeve for reassurance and stared at the lib every time I was off stage. And relied on everybody else to look out for me, which they did—although our poor Major General Stanley was so thrown that he forgot his lines and I had to cover for him!

Apparently, it worked very well.

It was a very, very strange experience!


PS Our Frederic came back to finish the run with his arm in a flamboyant sling.