Sunshine Challenge #4

[pensnest]

It's not that easy being green, as Mandy Patinkin will assure you.

There are all kinds of important Green things I could talk about, about how essential they are, what efforts I make in my daily life… but I don't have the energy to be serious about important things right now. What I'm going to talk about instead is what life was like back when I met Lorne (the greenest person I have ever met).

Oh, and I do mean Lorne. Not Andy Hallett, who, bless him, was fully and totally LORNE that day, and who worked through about three hours of people who wanted to have their photos taken with him in full makeup and costume. He was camp, loquacious, charming, and adorable, and must have been exhausted when, all of a sudden, there was no more queue and he could stop. Bless him.

See, I was pretty much between fandoms, back when I went to Buffy, Angel and Firefly conventions. I fell into fandom through Star Trek:TNG, but fell out of it after (a) the films were crap, (b) the Spinerphiles list fell into corrosive disarray, (c) the advent in particular of ST:Voyager meant all the fanfic writers moved on, and (d) I went to a really disappointing Trek convention.

I define myself as being part of a fandom when I write in it. That doesn't mean I don't read in other fandoms, nor does it mean I'd define anyone else the same way—define yourself howsoever you wish—but for me, I need to write in a fandom to feel that I am really part of it. And between 2000 and 2005, I hardly wrote anything.

Okay, somewhere in there was a Harry Potter story, only it was deemed Too Rude for the Sugarquill (to my astonishment). There was a story about Dr Okun from Independence Day, though possibly that may have overlapped with my Trek period, I can't remember. There were two stories from The Archers (the long-running BBC radio soap opera about farmers, that is), to which I became addicted in the between-fandoms period of my life. I even went to a Dorothy Dunnett convention, although the canon was far too intimidating for me to even think of writing fanfic for it. But that was all.

I was very keen on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (my daughter converted us all), and subsequently Angel—for a while we had family nights in front of the telly watching the latest episodes on Friday evenings, then they switched to Thursdays and I had to watch them on tape(!), on my own, after my musical rehearsals. But I never felt able to write in Buffy-speak. Too many pop-cultural references, in which I delighted but which I did not feel able to emulate. I am fairly certain I would have become firmly entrenched in Firefly fandom, ah, Firefly, ah, Wash, had the series continued. I loved that show, and it was not-anchored in specific time and place (like Trek) so I think I could and would have written it, but… well, never mind.

It was hard, being without a fandom. I did find my way to a few Buffy-universe stories, and I had my daughter to discuss it with and to accompany to cons. We went to a very awesome Firefly con with practically all the main cast (no Jayne, though, which was a pity as the costume competition had an entirely awesome Mudders' Statue Of Jayne entry) plus Badger. Nathan Fillion is excellent value as a convention guest, and Alan Tudyk was entranced by the competition entry of the Wash-o-saurus, Wash riding on a dinosaur…. well, who wouldn't be? He leapt up to pose with it. At that con, or possibly at a subsequent one but probably not, I even joined the autograph queue and got Summer's, Jewel's and Nathan's signatures on my photo, and can report that Summer Glau has the most beautiful skin I have ever seen. She is luminous.

My daughter, incidentally, got a photo with Vincent Kartheiser at one con, and at a subsequent one got him to sign it. He was very complimentary to her, and I was charmed by him.

But all this pro action is not the same has having a *fandom* to be part of. Asking the actors questions (oh, Keith Szarab…uh, Holtz was *most* unsettling, stalking amongst us demanding questions) is not the same as discussing little nibbles of canon with other eager fans, or trading comment fic, or just having a jolly old-fashioned squee over something entirely trivial. And Redemption and Nine Worlds were much, much better cons than the Wolf 359/whatever-it-went-on-to-be conventions.

Worst of all, for me, was the lack of impetus to write. As a Trekkie, I knew I had a readership out there, not a large readership but My People, fellow Dataphiles who would be pleased with what I had written, and would tell me so. And I love feedback. In between fandoms ought to have been the time for me to write and submit something professionally but, well. I love feedback, and it's not the same. I remember, subsequently, talking with a friend who had some professional involvement with m/m publishing, and I remember being glad that I didn't have deadlines (because fannish ones are optional, except for SeSa) or word counts to worry about. I could write the story until it was done, and then stop.

But in between fandoms was my fallow time. Acres of plain grass. I couldn't write, having nobody for whom to bother.

And then, in 2005, I found my beloved popslash, and suddenly there were seeds again, and stories sprouted like weeds, and I wrote more than thirty stories that year, starting in April. And it felt wonderful. The green time was over, here were the flowers again.

Comments

💚

[oldtoadwoman]

Oh, my, I've never heard of an actor wearing full makeup and doing a photo line in full makeup. That sounds delightful. I loved Lorne.

I love feedback, and it's not the same.

This! I keep trying to write original fic and they always sort of fall apart before I get very far. It's so hard to motivate myself to write when there isn't anyone out there who will give me that instant feedback that I crave.

Re: 💚

[pensnest]

One of my (few) gripes with 'Galaxy Quest' is the idea that all the crew would show up at a convention in costume, with Alexander in full prosthetic makeup. This was definitely billed as a special thing, which it was!

Yeah... I mean, eventually, if you get published, there is money, but the quick fix of fannish feedback is a real buzz.

[frausorge]

Meeting Lorne sounds amazing. And I hear you on the between-fandoms fallow years! It feels so drab having nothing that sparks inspiration, and then correspondingly glorious to have it reappear. Incidentally I love the last line of this post, so lyrical!

[pensnest]

He was lovely! And three hours full-on is a heck of a performance, too.

It was such a great feeling, being able all of a sudden to write, easily and prolifically.

[greerwatson]

I know that sensation of being between fandoms. For me it came after the Forever Knight mailing list went almost silent and the Mary Renault community drifted elsewhere. I still wrote (and do yet) in those fandoms, and also wrote one-offs as treats in gift exchanges. But I knew that, sooner or later, I would fall madly in love.

You know? That "new fandom" feel. The read-every-story compulsion. The plot that keeps telling itself in your head till you shut it up by writing it down. I knew it would happen. I just didn't know what or when.

For you it was Lorne. I watched both Buffy and Angel, though I've never written in either. I thoroughly enjoyed both, though; and I totally get how meeting Andy Hallett—not just in full make-up but in character!—would get you where it counts.

:D

[pensnest]

I have weird memories of the time when I fell into popslash—it felt then, and it feels now, as though I spent six weeks devouring every fic I could find and doing NOTHING ELSE, but that cannot be true. I had two children and a husband, and while these were out of the house during the day there was certainly laundry, and ironing, and shopping, and cooking to be done. What's more, I was actually in a show, with a minor principal role, even, so I *cannot* have spent all my time reading popslash. It just... feels that way.

[enemytosleep]

I'm glad you've found new ways to enrich your fannish self. ♥

[pensnest]

*smiles* thank you.

[abyss_valkyrie]

OHH!The time without a fandom is a very uninspiring time indeed.I didn't go through it for too long,maybe around a year.
Oddly, I didn't realise the importance of fandom for creators until I read your post tbh.

[pensnest]

Yes - having discovered what fandom meant, it was very hard to be without it. It's easier this time (I'm still a popslasher in my heart, but there isn't really a fandom any more) because I still have lots of interaction with other fans.

Yeah, that instant fillip of feedback is a wonderful thing!

[bloodydemonic]

You make being in fandom sound like such a wonderful thing! I'm really pleased you were able to find it again for yourself

[pensnest]

It is - at least, it made it easy for me to write, and writing is good for my soul.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the thing that's stopped me falling into any major new fandoms is that the new ones tend to be shorter lived. there are far more shows now, and hence fans move on rapidly to the next one.

there isn't the time to get into the sheer depth that I did with Blake's 7 fandom. I must have been immersed in that for at least a decade, and most of my long term fan friends still date from that era.

I'm unlikely to watch a new show unless one of my friends from that time is also into it and recommends it.

But I almost never write now. I'm the kind of person who likes to burrow down. I want to do stories with no continuity errors, deep background and interesting new (but accurate data). That takes time. Why make that commitment when half the fans will have moved on before I've finished it?

I'm currently putting an equivalent amount of creative effort into an RPG I'm playing, which is mostly text based between the players. I've created an entire religion (based on Polynesian traditions), and there's only two players who will see the depth of what I'm doing. But they really appreciate it, and are developing their own detailed backgrounds which I am enjoying. Without feedback, there is nothing.

[watervole]

That was me, don't know why DW logged me out....

[pensnest]

I tend to be late arriving at things in the first place and yes, fandom picks up its new toy and puts it down so fast that usually, by the time I get to a thing, it's on the way out. This does have the advantage of providing quite a bit of fic, but it's not letting me fall in love.

And yes, the investment of time, when there isn't really a readership left, is a big ask.

I suppose you haven't tried 'Black Sails'? It's nothing like 'Blake's Seven' but it is intelligent, mostly dark, with a lot of interesting characters who each have their own motivation and follow through on it. Pirates, most of them. I think the fandom is 'stealth', in that people love it deeply but are very widespread - and, to be fair, it hasn't worked for me in that I don't think I could write those characters properly. Eh. Anyway. "Blake's Seven" fandom lasted a *long* time after the show finished! And it was because of your ads in AIR that I ended up at Redemption and discovered my beloved popslash, so, belated thanks!

[watervole]

Sadly, Black Sails isn't avaialble on Netflix or Disney+ or else I'd give it a try.

I never knew you discovered popslash at Redemption!

[shipperslist]

Lorne is a treasure.

And hey, "I define myself as being part of a fandom when I write in it. That doesn't mean I don't read in other fandoms, nor does it mean I'd define anyone else the same way—define yourself howsoever you wish—but for me, I need to write in a fandom to feel that I am really part of it.
Thank you for this! As I read it, I realized that's exactly how I am too.

[turps]

I love that photo of you and Lorne, you look so incredibly happy.