(no subject)

[pensnest]

Thank you so much, everyone who commented on my last post. It is very comforting to experience that kindness.

Now, we have a funeral to plan, and for many reasons we're not going to go the conventional route and have a service at the crematorium, with funeral parade and mounds of flowers, etc. We are working out how to do a memorial at home, when the restrictions are lifted a little further and those few family members who live elsewhere in the country can all get here. We'll ask that everyone contribute a little bit - a eulogy, or a memory, or a reading.

I would like to find a handful of poems that are not Christian (or otherwise religious), don't mention someone smiling down from an afterlife, etc. I also don't want a poem that explains what a jolly fellow the deceased was, and how he'd want us all to eat, drink and be merry at his funeral, because frankly, he was not that kind of person. Something quiet. There is a nice one by Margaret Mead called 'Remember Me', and I found something by Joe Brainard which might be useable, perhaps in extracts, but I think my son will find it difficult to work out what to say and would love to offer him a choice of poetry.

It isn't easy, so I thought I'd crowdsource a little bit.

Can anyone point me to any poems that could fit? No religion, no afterlife, no jollity.

Comments

[kingstoken]

At my grandfather's funeral years ago we read a poem about death being part of life, like the four seasons. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name of it, but when I did a google search I stumbled across this site, https://www.loveliveson.com/funeral-poems/, that you might find helpful.

[pensnest]

Thank you for that link - some useful categories, and several poems I hadn't seen before.

[manna]

I don't know if you'd feel it's appropriate for your FIL, but we had this as a reading at my dad's funeral.

http://poetry-fromthehart.blogspot.com/2013/01/sometimes-sheenagh-pugh.html

[pensnest]

That's rather beautiful - thank you.

[manna]

I should have thought to say, and was reminded by thecomment below, check out Humanists UK, if you haven't akready. They provide advice on how to structire non-religious funerals, including celebrants to lead the service if you want, and they can be enormously useful.

[pensnest]

That's a good idea - thank you.

[ephemera]

The Usual Subject - Simon Darragh

One grows used to the loss itself;
it is the details catch, and scourge:
the extra tea-cup on the shelf;
the kitchen table, grown too large.

Not in sorrow for wasted days
of love unspoken,
but by trivia such as these
the heart is broken


_____________________________

One Art - Elizabeth Bishop
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

_______________________________________________


When I am Dead, my dearest - Christina Rosetti (I've always liked this one)

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

____________________________

(this site, found while checking the title for the above, has a Tolkien reading that might be of interest? https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/advice/non-religious-funeral-readings/)

[pensnest]

I particularly like that first one, since it is the little daily reminders of the change in our routine, now, that somehow leave the biggest impressions. Like, doing the shopping list and not having to buy desserts for the days when FIL had lunch with us. Anyway, yes. Thank you.

[iconis]

I was going to suggest Christina Rosetti's poem as well.

[wenchpixie]

My BFF's dad had a humanist funeral which was quite lovely in its own way, and this was one of the readings:

‘One At Rest’ (Anon)

Think of me as one at rest,
for me you should not weep
I have no pain no troubled thoughts
for I am just asleep
The living thinking me that was,
is now forever still

And life goes on without me now,
as time forever will.
If your heart is heavy now
because I’ve gone away
Dwell not long upon it friend
For none of us can stay

Those of you who liked me,
I sincerely thank you all
And those of you who loved me,
I thank you most of all.
And in my fleeting lifespan,
as time went rushing by
I found some time to hesitate,
to laugh, to love, to cry

Matters it now if time began
If time will ever cease?
I was here, I used it all,
and now I am at peace.

[pensnest]

The best funeral I've ever attended was a humanist one. This is a lovely poem - thank you.

[frausorge]

I am always moved by this by Edna St. Vincent Millay:

For you there is no song...
Only the shaking
Of the voice that meant to sing; the sound of the strong
Voice breaking.

Strange in my hand appears
The pen, and yours broken.
There are ink and tears on the page; only the tears
Have spoken.

Other Millay poems:
http://fractalwoman.blogspot.com/2011/09/be-as-branches.html
https://allpoetry.com/The-Wood-Road

[turlough]

I love Edna St Vincent Millay! Her poems are among my favourites!

[frausorge]

♥

[pensnest]

That's beautiful. Thank you for the suggestions.

[turps]

I'm no help in terms of poems but just wanted to say I really like the idea of a memorial at home.

[pensnest]

It's going to work so much better for the wider family, I think. And it means we can hold it at our convenience rather than the crematorium's convenience!

[turlough]

I don't know if any of these would be fitting but I like them both:

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.


Remember by Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

[pensnest]

Thank you - I particularly love the last two lines of that Rossetti poem.

[sperrywink]

No poem recs, but I see you got a lot of them. I hope you find one or some to your taste.

I like the idea of an at-home memorial too.

[pensnest]

Yes, as we don't need the solemnity of a church-like venue, I think it will be more personal this way.