feeling motherly

[pensnest]

My brain won't go to sleep, so here I am.

I'm not going to repost any of Those Photos here - there are, perhaps, three people on my flist who probably haven't seen them already, and if any of those three wants to see what I'm talking about, just click on my Friends... But I will say, it makes me go all melty and smily (*eyerolls at own sappiness*) to see Lance looking so adorably *happy*. 'Tis lovely.

But... See, I'm old enough to be Lance's mother. (I'm old enough to be JC's mother! Eep!) And I can't help but wonder how his mother, and the rest of his family, are coping. I'm sure there are people around them expressing pleasure, and pride, and comfort if it's wanted. Then again, there are far too many people in the world who are not inhibited by human decency or even common politeness... Even if their mail is being carefully screened, the ordinary interactions of everyday life suddenly have the potential for all sorts of difficulties.

I wish I could write to Diane Bass and say... well, I'd figure out exactly what I'd want to say if I had somewhere to send a letter. I was delighted to have the chance to send a token to Lance himself, thanks to without_me's nifty arrangements. For Lance himself, it has obviously been a liberating and joyful experience, but for his family?

Comments

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

I thought about them the weekend after the big announcement, about what a (quiet, well-mannered, but no less intense) stir must have been buzzing through their church. I can imagine what would have been going on at my in-laws' church, also in a small, Southern town, and I can't help but think of how many people would have expressed sympathy, as though they'd lost a child in a terrible accident, or as though someone went to prison. I'm sure the town is still buzzing.

[pensnest]

That's a very good point about the sympathy - which is a well-meaning way to make sure Lance's family feel ashamed... and those are the *nice* people.

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about them, too. I would like Diane to know how loved Lance is. It might not make any difference in her daily life, or his, but I'd like her to know how many people care about him, and how proud we are of him. Not just for this, but for the space thing, for On the Line, for everything he's tried, and if he's failed, he's picked himself up and smiled and tried again. I adore that about him, and as someone who's also old enought to be his mother, I love his optimism and his perserverance, even when it doesn't work out. I've always wished somehow for the chance to tell Diane that, for some reason.

[pensnest]

Yes, absolutely. I love the way Lance *has a go* at what he thinks he'd enjoy, and learns how to do the job by doing it.

I wonder if she's seen the positive messages he's been getting? If he were mine, I'd probably have saved them all to sniffle over!

[buddleia.livejournal.com]

I think, from the lack of 'we love our gay son' statements so far, poor Lance has probably been notably short of family support. I look forward to them pulling it together, standing up with him and saying 'We take ALL THE CREDIT for him being gay.'

Eh, I know. Dream on, eh.

[pensnest]

I think it's a great pity that Lance's parents haven't (as far as we're aware) made exactly that statement, but as I say to nopseud below, they are presumably having to re-think 'truths' they've believed all their lives, which can't be easy. And, to abandon the conventional dreams they've almost certainly had.

It is hard to sympathise with sincerely-held beliefs I don't share (like, oh, the existence of God), but I can still see that it must be difficult for them. And as members of their own particular community, I don't suppose they are getting as much support as they could do with to counteract the unkindnesses to which I'm sure they are being subjected. I suppose that's one reason why I wish I could write to Diane - to add some weight to the right side of the scale.

[buddleia.livejournal.com]

You are a considerably nicer woman than I am. Their son felt he had to keep a very important secret from them to a very late age because of their attitudes. I don't feel much sympathy for them, to be honest. People like that make other people miserable and the sooner they are forced to confront their prejudices and get over them, the better. And, no I wouldn't wish homophobia on anyone, but I find it hard to care when it affects homophobes themselves.

I am very biased! I've dealt with so many people who spent literally decades closeted and utterly miserable because 'it would kill their parents'. My sympathies, therefore, are likely to stay with the kids.

[pensnest]

I'm not nicer, I suspect, I've just had less direct experience. Very sheltered life, me.

Overall, yes, of course my sympathies lie with Lance - I find it *horrible* to imagine what he must have gone through as a famous teenager. But, I dunno, leaving the parents to stew in their own juice seems like... a wasted opportunity. It seems to me that this is exactly the time when they would benefit most from reinforcement by people who don't share those attitudes. I hope they are getting it.

[nopseud]

And I can't help but wonder how his mother, and the rest of his family, are coping.

Obviously, the only thing I have to go on is the People article, but judging from that, the attitudes and opinions held by some of his immediate family are precisely what made coming out so hard for him. Now they might be suffering because other people share the same views? I'm afraid my sympathy under those circumstances is pretty low. They'll just have to deal.

Now, Ford, on the other hand... :-)

[pensnest]

It's not entirely clear exactly how long they've known he's gay, but pretty obviously not very long - I can't help but feel that if a child of mine didn't feel able to tell me something this important until he was *27*, I'd feel I had completely let him down, and be devastated.

That said, though, Lance's family must (I hope) be going through a radical re-think of their beliefs, which is hard on anyone. And particularly hard, I suspect, when everyone in their community suddenly knows too - without having the same incentive to change their prejudices. I don't think it'd be possible for me to stand up and say Bugger Orf to the world at large if I were that rocked.

I think it's pretty much a given that they're having to contend with a lot of nastiness, face-to-face, oblique and anonymous. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. (At least, not anyone I can think of right now.)

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

I'd love to know what you'd say to Diane.

The worst cases about how people around them could be reacting just don't bear thinking about.

[pensnest]

I'm not sure, but I guess a reasonable precis would be 'You have a lovely boy there, be proud of him'.

And yeah. 'Decent people' are capable of some quite horrendous things, and that's not even considering the people who don't bother to think of themselves as 'decent'.