How Not To Write A Novil

[pensnest]

I picked up, for no particular reason, a book called 'How Not To Write A Novel' (the E in novel is an I with bars added in a different colour, hence my post title). I've been giggling my way through it ever since, often in public, and last night I couldn't resist reading out line after line to my beleaguered Beast, who was trying to read his own book.

I mean.

A pop quiz, asking which would be most likely to fit a character in your novel.

Example.

The old lady gasped

A at the strong language of the men
B with joy at the news of the armistice
C with pleasure as he rammed it home
D "ZORM, you flatterer!"

or

The pretty secretary batted

A her eyelashes
B away the cheeky executive's hand
C .320 as the starting shortstop
D ineffectually at the lustful rhino

Hee.

There are also some suggestions on the proper handling of vocabulary. There's a Test.

A Test: Do I Know This Word?

Ask yourself: "Do I know this word?"
If the answer is no, then you do not know it.

It's followed by some useful advice, like, substitute a word you do know...

Anyway. Book by Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark. Hours of gleeful fun.

Comments

[turlough]

LOL! I'm sure it's not just pretty secretaries who bats ineffectually at lustful rhinos, they're rather big animals after all :-D

[pensnest]

You're probably right! Also, it comes into the 'ridiculous and unbelievable' category of characterisation, so there's that...

[turps33.livejournal.com]

The answer of the old lady gasping with pleasure as he rammed it home just made me laugh out loud.

Go old lady!

[pensnest]

Me too! Actually, I was quite taken with the pretty secretary failing to fight off the lustful rhino, too. Hmm.

[solariana.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a joyous read!

I've always thought it would be fun to write a story then turn it into a cryptoquip. Make those readers WORK before they can enjoy the story! LOL

Do I Know This Word?
No, actually, we're just good friends. ;)

[pensnest]

Hee!

It's a book of delight, really.

[puszysty.livejournal.com]

Someone else on my FL just finished that book. She noted it was not terribly helpful. She failed to note, however, these fun quizzes!

[pensnest]

I'm not sure whether it's helpful or not—not in the same class as some of the other 'how to write' books I've read, because the examples of bad writing are so very exaggerated. But... they do make some good points about why certain things are Bad Ideas. And it is very giggle-filled!