i nearly called this cri de coeur but then I thought, wow, ott much

[pensnest]

I've written about a dozen popslash stories.




But wait! you cry, that can't be right! You've written loads of stories! How true, how true, and thank you for paying attention. About 144, as it happens—it's a bit difficult to count, sometimes, because of epilogues, and some of them are poems, and… but, anyway. Let's call it 140 for the sake of having a nice, easy number. Closing fast on 400,000 words—which doesn't match up to some people's epic production levels, but is a heck of a lot of words for me.

And fewer than 20,000 words which I produced by myself. One twentieth. Five percent.

Let's break that down.

Fifty-two stories for some kind of challenge—SeSa and Remix, the Dragon Challenge, also wtf27, fanfic100 and sky_pie. Several one-offs. Fifty-two stories

Forty-six stories directly inspired by someone's prompt on fic_requests.

Others were written in response to fannish discussion of some kind—whether that was "I want more Chris/Kevin!" or, "let's discuss how consent issues are presented in fic". Others still were written specifically for one person. Sometimes there was a meme I decided to have a go at, or a bunch of other stories I'd been reading which made me think either, I'd like to try that, or, let's try a different approach to that. My very first popslash story was born out of the comments to one of Nopseud's Pornutopia chapters. And of course there can be overlap between inspirations. A scant dozen or so of my stories were written just because they occurred to me (and even that dozen may be an over-generous count, given the influence of other stories, and of Being In Fandom, on my output, but I couldn't pin anything down as the direct inspiration for those twelve).

So what's my point?

My point is, I need you. I need you to inspire me and poke me with ideas and persuade me that it's worth writing something down and sharing it. I need to feel that someone out there wants more of the stories I have to write, that someone out there appreciates the effort, that someone out there is still a part of this fandom that has got me so creative and productive and *happy*. Are you there? Are you still there?

The evidence is not good. I look at the feedback to the recent Dragon Challenge stories, and I think, great. syncalot had all of two people give feedback to her charming Euro-era story; chalcopyrite had three people comment to hers, as did I. I'm not for a second complaining about the *quality* of the feedback—those commenters took the time to say something specific about what they'd read, and gave the kind of feedback that gladdens a writer's heart.

But… three?

It's not as though popslash is actually swamped with fresh reading matter, these days.

I know there are good reasons why a lot of the people who used to comment aren't doing so any more. Maybe you don't read LJ as often as you used to, and you missed them completely. Maybe you just have too much going on in your life, and you simply don't have the time. Maybe you've moved on to another fandom and have no enthusiasm left for this one. Maybe it's something else. All perfectly valid reasons, I know that.

I just… I still love my pop boys, all ten of them now, not just Nsync. I still want to write about them—hey, I'm perhaps half a dozen stories away from completing the fanfic100 prompts—and I still want to read about them. But fanfic is—for me, at least—so much more difficult in a vacuum. I want that interaction—it's not just that I want to know that people have read my words, I also need you to give me the impetus, the incentive, the atmosphere, the poke in the ribs, to make me write.

I need fandom.

Comments

[bououou]

Yeah, I'm one of those who moved to another shiny fandom. I still want to read the occasional popslash story, but then there's never enough time in one day. :(

[pensnest]

I think this is a lot of the problem—a newer fandom is shinier and more exciting...

[puszysty.livejournal.com]

It is hard writing into a vaccuum. As much as writing is fun for you or me, you still really want people to read what you're writing.

[nopseud]

I have nothing useful to say :-(

[pensnest]

Well, I always say that 'having written' is a lot more fun than the actual writing—although there are times when I do enjoy doing the writing itself! But yeah, the point is to share it with people, otherwise I could just keep the stories in my head.

[pensnest]

I confess to feeling a bit feeble for my dependence on other fans, but it is so, so there I am. *sniffs*

[trumpeterofdoom.livejournal.com]

I read this post the day you posted it, then went away and ruminated on it for some time and tried to compose a suitably thoughtful response...which this will not be. :P I don't have much to add other than to say I know what it feels like, most of the stuff I've written in the last few years have been for challenges, otherwise they just stay in my head for years and years.

I don't know if it's because I've tried to convince myself that I really can't write, that my role in fandom is not as a writer, or if it's influenced by the fact that writing for me is like taking all my wisdom teeth out all at the same time. Or even if it's to do with the decline in the amount I read (which has been in a general downward spiral once I started uni).

[pensnest]

Well, you *can* write, but I think that you make other contributions to fandom besides writing stories which are at least as important, quite possibly more important. You're such a great source of information and squee—and that's just as necessary as writing is. I agree with you that writing isn't an easy thing (perhaps somewhat easier for me than for you, but then, we're all strange and wonderful in our own way, aren't we?), and if there isn't the encouragement to write—eg, those challenges—we've little incentive.

I've always felt that my biggest contribution to a fandom is that I write stories—in fact, I don't consider myself *in* a fandom if I don't write stories in it. I don't really do anything *else*. (I'm only half-way into Adam Lambert fandom because what I've written featuring him is so far off the mainstream for that fandom. [And, of course, in consequence my stories aren't likely to get the kind of response that more mainstream ones do—well, that's fair enough, I guess.]) So I really need that incentive, and I mostly get the impulse to write from something external, ie another fan, a challenge, a prompt. I miss them!

[lauriebreb.livejournal.com]

Um so. I'm new to all this really. And to be honest, I have generally felt a bit shy commenting on any of the stories I've read--either because an author is so good I feel like my comments would be pointless, or because they are so not my thing, I just cant think of anything productive to say.

Now that I've dipped my toes into writing, though, I kind of understand the discouragement that comes from posting something you're really excited about and getting zero response. Odd feeling.

[pensnest]

I can absolutely promise you that no author is so good that a comment would be unwelcome! If the only thing you can think of to say is "I enjoyed this!", then do say it—it'll make that author happy.

And yes, it is discouraging to have made the effort of writing something and to have it go unnoticed. I mean, in *theory* we can just be proud of ourselves for having produced something that was worth producing... but in practice, it's really nice to have validation from someone else.

Sigh.

[citruslover.livejournal.com]

I really have nothing constructive to contribute here, just wanted to commiserate with you. lol Obviously you're not the only one who feels this way.

Honestly, the popslash fandom feels like a ghost town to me. I'm still discovering old fandom posts in various abandoned corners of LJ, and it feels... a little odd, to be honest. And I feel like I'm just getting to the party when everyone else is hailing cabs and calling it a night. lol It is kind of disheartening. And I don't know that there's anything that can be done about it, other than accept the fact life is kind of sad, sometimes.

[pensnest]

Yeah... I was comparatively late finding popslash, but at least at the time I entered the fandom most of the story links still worked. Nowadays loads of my bookmarks lead to nothing, which makes me very sad.

It's weird how quiet popslash is, because the people are still out there, still on LJ etc. I mean, there were twenty very enthusiastic Camp Sparklers, and we actually spent a good portion of our time there talking about pop subjects. I don't know why it doesn't seem to be translating into fic and feedback. Still. Awesome August, let's make some progress!