the super or the superficial

[pensnest]

I have spent the afternoon cleaning the silver. (!)

It's FIL's canteen of fancy cutlery, plus a box of elegant cake forks. I think it's probably the Nicest Thing he had. Beast and I were a bit puzzled as to what to do with it, at first, because who wants cutlery that cannot go in the dishwasher? I sympathise, but I am quite tempted to keep it, as the forks and spoons are of such an elegant design. Beast is very dubious about actually using it, see, 'cannot go in the dishwasher', which is fair, but, you never know, there might be an Occasion. Actually, we might bring it out for FIL's memorial/wake, even though I'm not at all sure that bone-handled knives will be much good against a pork roast.

The other obviously Nice Thing is a gigantic and quite handsome bedspread, which I remember buying for him as a house-warming present when he got to Tasmania—red with blue and silver stripes, and more than eight feet wide—but I can't seem to find a home for that, so it will most likely end up at a charity shop. Bedcovers seemed to be a Thing in Tassie, whereas here we are more likely to have a pretty duvet cover and nothing on top of it; also, FIL was really accustomed to blankets, so his giant bedcover worked well for him.

It seems such a shame that with all the possessions he had, there are so few any of his family wants to keep. So little that is Nice Stuff. Not even a vase or ornament that would be a reminder—I think he probably got rid of those things back when he emigrated. He acquired so much, but having no aesthetic sensibilities whatsoever, and liking to get a bargain....

Comments

[altamira16]

He acquired so much, but having no aesthetic sensibilities whatsoever, and liking to get a bargain...

You have succinctly described my mom's sense of place. My sister is trying to convince her not to buy inexpensive things or larger things because they are cheaper because my sister lives in a one bedroom place, and my mom is buying large containers of spices that won't be used because they are cheaper in the large container.

[pensnest]

There were two sets of *huge* bags of mixed herbs, both sets opened. I like to keep such things in small jars...

As we never managed to persuade FIL, It ain't a bargain if you have no use for it.

[yarnofariadne]

Obviously I didn't emigrate at the same time your FIL did but I imagine our reasons for getting rid of lots of the Nice Things were the same; it costs too much to consider shipping over things that aren't necessary or useful.

[pensnest]

He went to Tas in 2010, and he took with him a large number of emptied ice-cream tubs, to be used for the preserving of his yet-to-be grown vegetables. And brought back an augmented supply of same.... He and my late MIL used to own a very large, beautiful (and I would imagine, valuable) mirror in a carved wooden frame (which I secretly coveted) but he gave that away - while selling off his collection of unused cheap frying pans. I never could fathom his logic!

[yarnofariadne]

Oh well in that case my attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt was misguided XD

[pensnest]

I remember thinking I hoped he would really go for it and emigrate with just a suitcase, since he didn't at that point own anything he could not easily replace. Alas, no. He took all the Stuff he thought would be useful, and proceeded to buy a whole bunch more when he was there. When he returned, for a while we had all his boxes in our sitting room, and they occupied literally half of the room, floor to ceiling!

[turps]

Keeping the silver for the memorial sounds like a good idea, but I can also see Beast's point of how impractical it would be due to not being dishwasher safe. The days of beautiful silver that needs to be cared for by hand seem to be long over.

[pensnest]

My grandma had the Good Cutlery too, I dunno what happened to it. But yes, the days of that kind of thing being a useful possession, or even one to hide away and gloat over, are pretty much past. I might, possibly, take it to see if a second-hand jeweller or antique dealer would want it all. Dunno.

[watervole]

I used to love my mother-in-law's cutlery canteen, but her house had space for it and mine does not.

But I got the bagatelle! (like this one, but she had it when she was six - https://www.mastersofgames.com/images/table/bagatelle-house-of-marbles-1-lg.jpg) And a lovely little table that had many happy memories, and my favourite plants from her garden.

[pensnest]

I think my parents had a handsome canteen which was not unlike a stool in that it had its own legs.

My aunt used to have a bagatelle just like that! I visited her once a term when I was at boarding school, and that was one of the things I loved playing with. It's a lovely thing, and I'm sure your granddaughter will enjoy it too.

[watervole]

She does :) as did her mother and grandfather before her.

[fleurrochard]

My parents use their silver cutlery every day - they have one set of dishwasher safe cutlery, but that is very much the kitchen cutlery and is only used while cooking or for a quick midnight meal (mostly my dad). They have a dishwasher, but prefer using the silver and washing it per hand. (Pretty much everything else goes in the dishwasher though!)

[pensnest]

If one is going to own silver cutlery, I think that's probably the best way - actually use it! Half of this setwe found are very elegant, with simply detailed handles, the other half are a bit more floral, which is a pity, but still. I don't see us using it every day.

[turlough]

You should totally keep it! Surely a bit of handwashing now and then is worth it to be able to use pretty cutlery?! But then I don't own a dishwasher so I'm probably biased ;-) (I wish I owned some pretty cake forks but they seem remarkably hard to find these days.)

[pensnest]

I'm edging towards keeping it for when we have visitors, because it's just nice. But, I dunno, I also feel that I'd have to be the one to wash the cutlery, and I'm lazy, so....

[ephemera]

That is a sad thing, indeed - it's one thing for an avowed minimalist not to leave things that people wpould want to keep as a memento, but for a possessor of Much Stuff.

(Maybe the cake forks, for occasional afternoon tea Events, wpould be more manageable than the whole lot? Or an piece of the set turned into jewellery, although it seems a shame to break up a set.)

[pensnest]

I suspect an avowed minimalist would only have things that would be really worth having. Though that may be an idealised view!

We - or at any rate, Beast - is finding out the hard way that his dad did many things that would have been better not done. Some elaborate precautions against having his heirs pay inheritance tax, for example, that are making Beast's life awfully complicated and may not even work. Sigh.

[word_geek]

It's been weird integrating Nana's things into our life too. The box of stuff that was set aside for me honestly, most of it doesn't really work for me. The oddments I saw as we cleared the house have worked much better. We took some of the glasses, and the avocado dishes (surprisingly useful as small bowls for fruit and ice-cream), and I have a silver cigarette holder because omg it's so fancy dress, and small enough to tuck away, and I can feel her thumb prints from how she held it. One of her frames will work well for my Totoro. The rest, I suspect, will go to a charity shop.

H

[pensnest]

I remember my grandma wanted me to have various items from her jewellery box, but most of them I just didn't want. I kept a couple of her pairs of earrings, and very little else—and I still wonder what happened to her rice cooker! I suppose that unless you are at a very early stage of Setting Up House, most of another person's practical possessions are things you don't need. Odd things, random things, are worth keeping.

[manna]

We have R's family siver tucked away, waiting for something to be done with it. We have the same dilemma of not really wanting to use it, but not wanting to get rid of it. Unfortunately no one else wants to use silver cutlery, either, so pretty much all you can sell it for is the scrap value of the silver. It seems such a shame to sell it knowing it would immediately be melted down -- it belonged to his grandfather, and it all has the family crest on it (he was a Sir).

I have a bedspread that covers the spare bed when it isn't made up, just to make the room look a bit smarter.

[pensnest]

Having the silver does seem to be a thing of the past now, doesn't it. I'll find it hard to get rid of, because I don't suppose any of the local jewellers will be interested, and it does seem wrong to just sell it for scrap. Sigh. And our set doesn't have a family crest! Could you have some of it made into a picture, for display?

[frausorge]

I kept my mom's silver, but then again, I haven't had a dishwasher for the last twenty years or so, so that aspect didn't factor into it for me.

I hope there will be good photos or other smaller mementoes, and that it will be as easy as possible to release everything else!

[pensnest]

I think when you don't rely on a dishwasher, the equation looks quite different! My Beast does all the dealings with the dishwasher, and since I don't particularly want to wash cutlery I guess I need to go with what he prefers. It's just, kinda, sad.

[rikes]

My parents use the fancy cutlery they inherited a couple of times a year (usually Yule & New Year's Day) and it does make the dinners fancier, and is not too much handwashing. Arguably a waste of space since it's used so rarely, but they have a big-ish house.

I know people who make jewellery out of old silverware, and I've even seen courses where you can sign up to make some yourself!

[pensnest]

In fact, I have made contact with a local spoons-to-jewellery person and will be donating a bunch of fairly random spoons to her when I get the urge to walk round to her place. \o/