sentimental not made of wood

[pensnest]

We had FIL's memorial today.

Our children, BIL, and FIL's sister J, her husband K, and their daughter L, plus Beast and me, were the only ones in attendance. Everyone arrived within twenty minutes of each other, and we had lunch: roast pork (FIL's favourite) with roast potatoes, roasted carrots, red cabbage, and some of FIL's frozen beans, plus gravy and apple sauce. Then lemon cheesecake.

The actual ceremony took place after lunch. Beast introduced the subject by talking about how and why his father came to live with us, then we went round the group asking for each person to contribute something. It was really nice. There were all sorts of stories, funny, tragic, heartfelt, trivial, and lots of stuff which was new to many of us. Then we went outside, and one by one J, BIL, Beast, Bun and Boy emptied a glass of ashes onto the base of one of the five fruit trees which FIL planted when we decided he was to live here.

Then we had a nice cup of tea and chatted some more.

It was a nice day. I really liked our little ceremony, and I'd recommend it. We didn't have to use the timetable set by the availability of the crematorium, and without an officiant or order of service, it was very personal. It does take a lot of points of view to speak the truth of who a person was, I think, and this showed all of us something we hadn't known before.

So. That's done.

*

We now have furniture in all the wrong places, and my future craft room is laden with my Stuff that has to be found homes in there. But tomorrow, it will be naming of parts checking as best I can the centimetre-thick stack of forms to be sent to the HMRC on Monday. Oh, joy.

Comments

[spikedluv]

That sounds like a lovely tribute.

[pensnest]

It worked really well, and everyone said it had been a lovely day. Which seems odd, for a wake, but it actually was. :-)

[frausorge]

That sounds like a very fitting way to remember and celebrate him. Wishing peace for all mourning him.

[pensnest]

It was surprising how much we found out about him! And that was very nice. Thank you.

[turps]

That sounds like a lovely memorial, and so much better than the usual options.

I hope you got through all the forms.

[pensnest]

It wouldn't do for someone with a huge circle of friends, or even a large family, but as an intimate kind of tribute it worked really well.

The forms are in the post! \o/

[turlough]

It sounds like it was a lovely memorial that really worked for everyone.

I think this format might actually be something my own relatives would like when one of us inevitably isn't with us any longer. I'm definitely going to mention it to my mum and my sister.

[pensnest]

I think that for a quiet sort of person who didn't have a wide social circle, it really was the nicest option by far. And as atheists, there's no need for an officiant. For Diane's funeral, at the beginning of the month, it would not have worked because she had so very many friends - there were fifty at the funeral and many more who weren't allowed by the numbers to attend. So I guess it depends on the deceased. But it was, absolutely, a very *personal* funeral, all about FIL, and I really like that.

[yarnofariadne]

It sounds like it was a really lovely memorial ♥