How Not To Write A Novil

I picked up, for no particular reason, a book called 'How Not To Write A Novel' (the E in novel is an I with bars added in a different colour, hence my post title). I've been giggling my way through it ever since, often in public, and last night I couldn't resist reading out line after line to my beleaguered Beast, who was trying to read his own book.

I mean.

A pop quiz, asking which would be most likely to fit a character in your novel.

Example.

The old lady gasped

A at the strong language of the men
B with joy at the news of the armistice
C with pleasure as he rammed it home
D "ZORM, you flatterer!"

or

The pretty secretary batted

A her eyelashes
B away the cheeky executive's hand
C .320 as the starting shortstop
D ineffectually at the lustful rhino

Hee.

There are also some suggestions on the proper handling of vocabulary. There's a Test.

A Test: Do I Know This Word?

Ask yourself: "Do I know this word?"
If the answer is no, then you do not know it.

It's followed by some useful advice, like, substitute a word you do know...

Anyway. Book by Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark. Hours of gleeful fun.