I'll be contented with yesterday's memory

[pensnest]

I got my second vaccine (Pfizer) on Wednesday, and as far as I could tell only had a mildly sore arm, less sore than after the first one. But, and it may or may not be related, I have developed a *huge* red rash on the front of my neck. Itchy and weird, and I'm not sure whether itching began before the jab or not. :-(

*

In other news, it's possible my brain fog was more attributable to living with and taking care of FIL and less to The Current Situation than I had realised. And I've started singing around the house again, now there is no fear of waking/disturbing him. We continue to be unable to make much progress on the many things that must be attended to after a person dies, but Beast has a telephone interview with the Registrar next week, and BIL will be here tomorrow and can start picking out any of his dad's possessions that he would like to keep. After that, we should be able to make a bit more progress.

Sometimes it feels quite callous to be moving on to the clearing up stage already, as though there ought to be an official period of mourning, but there isn't, and in many respects, I think we mourned him before he died. As with my father, who had a stroke, and died 20 months later, FIL underwent a considerable loss of personality due to the dementia. The sadness is at its most acute while one is still experiencing it, and after a gradual and expected death, it's easy to get back to normality. And there is a lot to do.

Comments

[kingstoken]

Congrats on being fully vaccinated! Hopefully, your rash goes away soon.

[pensnest]

Thanks! Beast gets his second dose in a couple of weeks, so we will be a confident household.

[altamira16]

One of my friends had a rash after the vaccine. She had the Moderna vaccine though. She had a rash that was hot and itchy that was under her armpit about a week after the vaccine. I think the heat left the rash before the itchiness. She said it lasted about four days.

[pensnest]

I've been participating in a Covid study on my phone - basically, giving a health check every day. A section pops up when you've had the second jab asking if you feel side effects, and a rash specifically on the torso is one of the options, but not the neck. Odd, really. Mine does seem to be diminishing now, which is a relief.

[frausorge]

Hurray for completing the vaccine shots! I hope you get some relief from the rash soon. I'm getting my second shot next Thursday and am bracing myself for possible side effects.

I also hope the practical necessities can be done with as little hassle as possible. It makes a lot of sense to me that the heaviest mourning happened leading up to his passing. So I hope you get to allow yourself to just be wherever you are with it.

[pensnest]

The rash *seems* to be getting better, in that it doesn't itch nearly as much!

I think once BIL has had the chance to see what he wants to keep, we will be able to dispose of other things suitably. First the house, then the 35 boxes (I'm not kidding) in the garage....

[sperrywink]

Yay vaccine! And glad to see in comments that the rash is subsiding.

I think your sense of grief being greater as the dementia progressed makes sense (although it obviously only has to make sense to you. They are your feelings which trumps random musings from me. *g*)

[pensnest]

I don't think I've *mourned* for anyone, really, since my mother died, and that was a long time ago. But my grandma was ready, my MIL had dementia too and a horrible quality of life, and my dad had ceased to be really himself long before he died. It's hard to mourn for someone when their death was, essentially, the best thing for them. A sharp, sudden and unwanted death would have quite a different response.

[brandywine28]

Look at you, fully vaxxed! Congrats!

I don't think it's callous at all. Like you said, when someone goes through a long, extended decline, it almost gives you a chance to mourn in advance; the person's actual death is still sad, but it's not a shock and that's the whole difference.

[pensnest]

Yes - I think having to come to terms with something sudden and obviously Too Soon would get quite a different response.

[turps]

I'm so glad you've had your second jab, and seeing via comments the rash is fading.

I don't think you're callous at all moving onto the clearing up stage. You've all been through a lot lately and I like the idea you're singing again, like a little more weight must be off your shoulders.

[pensnest]

I suppose all these things have to be done. BIL is here for the week, and went through quite a lot of stuff to see if there is anything he wants. It struck me as rather sad how little my FIL had that is wanted by anybody else.

[manna]

Thumbs up for the second jab.

My dad died quite suddenly and unexpectedly, and it was still only a few weeks afterwards my mum decided to throw out all his clothes. I don't think there are any fixed rules about the timing of this kind of thing, so just do whatever works for you.

[pensnest]

I suppose that's it - no fixed rules, just however a person can cope, and whatever helps, too.

[turlough]

Congratulations on being fully vaccinated! I hope the rash has mostly gone away by now.

I don't know if it's callous or not but I think it might be quite natural to feel like that in your situation. Like your father my great grandmother had a stroke and spent several years in hospital completely senseless and I remember that her actual death mostly felt like a relief. I'd already finished mourning her years before.

[pensnest]

I do think that having a body healthy enough to continue when the mind and personality have gone is the cruellest thing, at least for those who are left. It must be quite common to feel that the person you loved is basically gone long before they actually die.