(no subject)

[pensnest]

A while back I purchased a porn dvd. This proved to be a mistake. (We watched it, hopefully, in bed—and my husband fell asleep. Which was neither surprising nor, indeed, at the time particularly disappointing.)

But for some reason my mind has wandered back to a particular scene: there was a pneumatic young woman in a... booth? Not a toilet cubicle, as there was no such practical facility to be seen, but a trammelled space at any rate. And through a hole in the wall came a large, erect penis.

Well.

Faced with such an intrusion, what would you do, dear friendslist?

[Poll #1441776]

I'm inclined to think that the first answer is the male fantasy, the last is the female fantasy, and the middle one the likely truth. I would be fascinated to find out whether you agree.

Comments

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I have to tell you, at this juncture in my life, I think I'd tend toward the male fantasy ;) Unexpected penises just don't happen in my life very often (or ever *g*). But regardless of my personal history, I tend to agree with your opinion :)

(Now I'm picturing a sequel to the Lava Lamp story, wherein there are Unexpected Erections! Just all about!)

[pensnest]

Could be an extremely unusual demon manifestation, too...

[adelate]

Pen, I AM LAUGHING MY HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW, THANK YOU.

[pensnest]

I must admit, it kinda gave me the giggles too.

[ihearthings-ii.livejournal.com]

Well, to be 100% honest, I'd o_O, then I'd laugh my head off, and *then* I'd hit it with my shoe, and run.

[turloughishere.livejournal.com]

What you said! :-D

[ihearthings-ii.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[pensnest]

This seems entirely reasonable to me.

[ihearthings-ii.livejournal.com]

I think so too. Seriously, in what world would just think, 'ooh, penis! It looks like it needs sucking.'?

[hsw.livejournal.com]

I love you. I have not laughed so much in ages.

I read it to my husband and a friend, and before I even got to reading the options, my husband was miming hitting the penis, complete with *boink* sound effect. I'm not sure what this says about him...

H

[pensnest]

*giggles* He is obviously a Sterling Chap.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahaha.

This is the best poll ever!

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

HI, YOU! *loves on Terri*

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Kim!

*clings*

I miss you, and am vastly amused at the icon you're using to comment to me *g*

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

I'd like to think I'd choose the third option, but realistically speaking, I'd probably end up doing the second.

It might depend on what shoes I was wearing.

[pensnest]

Some of mine would take a while to remove, it's true. I think rikes has the right of it - my natural reaction would have been (b), but now that I have reflected upon the matter, I would know to do (c).

[truekat.livejournal.com]

Only because it made me laugh so much (which is greatly needed and appreciated) I'd smack it with my shoe just to hear the idiot on the other side scream out in pain! He'd deserve it! LOL

[pensnest]

Excellent. Response to the poll so far is more or less equally divided between (b) and (c) - strangely, no votes for the first option.

[iconis.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, this post is a thing of beauty and joy. :D As for my answer, I can't be quite sure. Possibly all three! :D

[adelate]

But IN WHICH ORDER?

[suzilem.livejournal.com]

I'd invite Sailor Jim over for tea.

[pensnest]

Ahaha! Is this the sort of thing Sailor Jim would do? Surely not! Although thinking about it, I suppose some incredibly convoluted story could end up this way... Must dig out my copy of NTTS.

[sailorjim.livejournal.com]

Well ... actually ...

I was, as nature decreed, a rather young and stupid sailor before I became the international man of oddity you know and pray for now ... so, yeah, I did something like that once.

It was a public bathhouse close to Chinatown and the poorly lettered sign over the hole said something to the effect that all one had to do was insert the item needing the attention of a "wife."

So, after doing my level best to think it though (which, since my poor head was befuddled with drink and smoke, was a long shot at best), I whipped Squeeker out and stuck him in the hole. It was a tight fit, but a warm hand gripped him gently ... and then I almost passed out from the pain of someone sewing a button onto its tip!

The corpsman didn't stop laughing for days ...

[pensnest]

*giggles helplessly* Perhaps a shoe would have been preferable!

[sailorjim.livejournal.com]

Given the circumstance involved ... no cream, please.

[nopseud]

You are missing option d, which is whip a pen out of your bag and write NO! on it.

[pensnest]

I think the one in the porn dvd might have had space for 'Not today, thank you' in large capital letters.

[paperdollkisses.livejournal.com]

OK, seriously, I just laughed loud enough to bring my nephew out of his room and I woke my sister up.

Just know... the shoe in question... would be a combat boot.

[pensnest]

Excellent! The only disadvantage to that might be the time it takes to get the shoe off one's foot.

[rikes]

See, if this had actually happened to me, say, today, I would have picked option B. But now that you have told me about C, I'll know just what to do when this happens. It seems so approppriate. So thanks!

(Though CJ's idea would probably be pretty close, too. )

[pensnest]

Now, this is exactly how I feel about it! I spent a while pondering the proper course, which I am convinced is (c), and now, you and I are both equipped to deal with unexpected erections intruding into our lives.

Really, it's a public service poll.

[bououou.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! XD

[musicdiamond.livejournal.com]

This poll made me laugh so hard. honestly, i'd probably be aghast, speechless and try to sneak out unnoticed by the penis.

[pensnest]

Its eye would follow you round the room!

[runzu.livejournal.com]

*LOLLING IRL*

[trumpeterofdoom.livejournal.com]

But what if I would shriek, and THEN hit it with a shoe and THEN flee?

[pensnest]

I think that would be entirely reasonable.

[adelate]

AHAHAHA that's what I do when I see really disgusting spiders and other such bugs.

[solariana.livejournal.com]

I'd probably first blink my eyes and wonder if it was real or some fake rubbery penis. I would probably *want* to slap it either way, but in reality, would probably run off while threatening to call the cops. Depending on the day, I might give it a good swift kick in the balls before fleeing...

[pensnest]

But now you have pondered the matter, so when it happens, you *know* what to do!

[stellamira]

#3 is definitely what you should do, but unfortunately, I think #2 is more likely. But I, too, will keep the option in mind, should the situation ever occurr to me. ;)

[pensnest]

I figure it is a good thing to have considered these matters in advance. Yes.

[runzu.livejournal.com]

I can't stop giggling! I'd probably do (b), but I'd also probably be indignant and say, "Excuse me, but if you don't remove that offending organ, I have a pencil sharpener big enough for that."

[pensnest]

Ahaha! I like the pencil sharpener response, definitely.

[runzu.livejournal.com]

Or maybe it should be, 'small enough' LOL